Spectrum of Intent
Recently, a coach introduced me to a concept she calls the “Spectrum of Intent.” I love this structure because it helps me gauge someone else’s intentions when I am hurt by something they said.
Depending on context, it could be anywhere on the Spectrum of Intent: (Semenoff n.d.)
- Different backgrounds
- Inartful expression of emotion
- Blame shifting
- Inartful boundary setting
- Inartful feedback
- Lashing out
- Bullying
- Gaslighting
Often I don’t know the full context and I assume intention to cause pain where there is merely inartfulness. I should assume a more positive intent by shifting where I place them on the spectrum until I understand more of the context.
Below, I’ll dive into the details of each of the layers of the Spectrum of Intent.
Different backgrounds
The other person has made a neutral statement and I misread the non-verbal clues.
This confusion happens most across different cultures or when talking to neurodiverse people, but also can happen when people from different DISC profiles talk to each other.
Example:
But I didn’t make any mistakes, only you played poorly.
Hey, guys, Jan Maas is not being rude. He’s just being Dutch. Ted Lasso S2E1, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEgWPYH9eYk?t=13
Inartful expression of emotion
The other person is feeling an emotion and is not expressing it in a clean way. At this level in the spectrum, they are trying to communicate about themself, not me.
This mistake can happen for a variety of reasons: e.g. their kid was up all night sick; they feel unsafe expressing emotions at work; or maybe they simply don’t feel heard.
Example:
We need to schedule the time or else it might not happen!
might instead mean
I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.
Blame shifting
The other person brings up an “issue” with someone else as part of the conversation.
The “issue” they bring up commonly is masking an underlying relationship issue where their needs aren’t being met.. This technique is very similar to what Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen call “switchtracking.” (Stone and Heen 2014, 118)
Example:
Well, you might want to be more responsive.
might instead mean
I’m feeling lost and lonely at work right now.
Inartful boundary setting
The other person is trying to protect a need they have in an unhealthy way.
Example:
This is messed up, let me just fix it.
might mean
I need some quiet time to think.
Inartful feedback
The other person is trying to give me feedback but has done so in a painful way.
Example:
We didn’t get the funding for this project because you walked in completely unprepared, without any numbers to back up our proposal
might mean
When you presented to execs without concrete data, what happened is they were unwilling to fund our project.
Lashing out
The other person is trying to cause me pain.
This approach is frequently unintentional; when people are panicky or trying to save face, they may act in ways that are otherwise out of character.
Example:
Well, a good manager would have avoided this issue in the first place.
Bullying
The other person is trying to get what they want by putting me into pain.
This approach may start unintentionally – lashing out that worked.
Example:
The classic example is shouting, profanity, or other threats, but there can also be more subtle expressions of this:
Good managers are able to find compromises; are you?
Gaslighting
The other person is misrepresenting the story to try to get me to accept responsibility for a situation that isn’t completely mine to accept.
This can be unintentional, especially in people who frequently find themselves in conflicts – it may have started out as blame shifting that worked.
Example:
The reason this project failed is because you leaked it early.
rather than
This was a risky project that violated the norms of the company and I wanted to keep it secret until it was already successful.
Another example:
(in response to feedback) If you were a better manager, we wouldn’t have had this problem.
or
(deadlines and communications) Well, you never told me it was due before the meeting.